Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
