First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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