New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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