You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
