So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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