Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
