turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
