Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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