Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
