This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
