By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
