Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
