no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
