i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
