You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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