Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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