PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
