i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
