I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
