I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Hippo gnu deer
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
