He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
