Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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