I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
