I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My feet surprised me
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