I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
