Who wears a wallet chain?!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
and she was petting her beer can
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
