Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
