She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
