Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
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