You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
