Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
