Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
