It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
