i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
