Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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