This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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