I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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