so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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