The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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