soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
