sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
