hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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