I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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