i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
