Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
