I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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