Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
