Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
