I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
