How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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