Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
