We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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